im scared.

I woke up crying today. I feel incredibly low. Its dangerous for me to get this low and this is moreso a warning to myself because I know I have a lot to live for. In these moments where the weight of all my losses is overwhelming, its difficult to see the value in my life. Its difficult to see anything good. I think Julia is the only thing anchoring me now. If she weren't here, I would've left you already and maybe I wouldn't have let myself get so low. Im lost. Im scared. I wish you wanted me. I wish I was worthy of your interest and care. I'd give up having the trash taken out and cooked meals to hear you tell me im pretty once a week. Id give up all the well thought out plans and grocery trips for you to just want to be near me. I hate that I become so attached in relationships. Emotional support would be great because im falling apart and I have been for quite some time. Remember? I told you last year. I keep telling you but its my fault for expecting you to care. You'd think I'd have learned by now.